It's a drizzly, cold, Sunday afternoon and my heart is heavy. I'm sad, frustrated, angry, and a million other adjectives I don't want to take the time to type. Being a christian isn't hard. Being a christian who wants to impact the Kingdom, is though. It's one of the toughest things I've ever undergone.
The Lord doesn't promise us it will be easy. He promises us we will be blessed if we endure.
"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the victor's crown, the life God has promised to those who love him." James 1:12
It's not the non-believers who frustrate me. That's like getting angry with a democrat for not being a Republican. They simply don't know any better :) (I couldn't resist the political metaphor).
The believers are the one's who test my patience, try my soul, and push me to the edge of a veritable insanity. Why? In a nutshell, lack of commitment. Commitment to God and His Body of believers anyway. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I was taught that your word was a sign of your integrity. If you said you were going to do something, you did it. Yet I'm perpetually surrounded by people who apparently did not grow up with this same teaching. Sure they tell me with their mouths that they'll be responsible and dedicated, yet their actions say differently.
The natural man in me wants to grab them around the throat and scream, "You made a commitment. WHY is it so difficult for you to follow through? If you didn't honestly want to take on the job, why did you tell me you would?" But the Still Small Voice encourages me to simply reply, "It's all right if you can't be there. We will be glad to have you on the days you are available."
And then I walk away, and I'm bitter, and I lash out......or write a blog post :)
So to my believing friends and family who read my blog (all 3 of you), please be in prayer for me. I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle and I know it's a spiritual battle. The harder I try to guide my children in the Lord, homeschool because of Godly convictions, and serve in leadership capacities within the church, the more I feel beat down by the devil. I know I should take heart though.......
.....we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 2 Corinthians 4:7-10