Cold Season

Warning! Explicit content! Due to the graphic nature of this post, personal discretion is advised. Disclaimer: If you are currently engaged in meal consumption it is strongly advised that you completely finish before reading. I have a cold! It's not just any cold either. It's the Queen Mother of all colds. The head honcho! The Big Kahuna! It laughs in the face of other colds. If this cold were a truck it would have a Hemi in it! This disgusting crud has settled into my nose, head, chest, throat and pretty much everywhere except my feet, but who really knows?! My head is spinning and I'm having to hang onto counters and door knobs to prevent falling over. I keep having visions of those little phlegm blobs from the Mucinex commercials. You know the ones....those little cartoon phlegm-dudes that move their entire extended family into a person's chest and setup housekeeping. Currently one side of my nose is clear and open and I can breathe. The other side though, is so stopped up I can't even tell it's running until I feel something slimy trickle down my nostril onto my upper lip. Disgusting! So far my day has been amazingly similar to an infant. I woke up this morning, ate breakfast, then settled onto the couch to take a nap, although it was under the guise of watching a movie. I woke up from napping, ate lunch, contemplated another nap, but decided to blog instead because at least that somehow feels productive. I feel terrible. I can't even take care of my girls. They asked me to make them lunch and my response went something like this, "whatever you can make for yourselves, have at it. I'm not cooking." They probably ate Ding Dong's and chocolate milk, but I can't be sure and I hesitate to ask! I need a maid, and some NyQuil, and then I'm off to take a nap!